The Harleys by Gary O. Bennett
INT ANTEROOM OFF CONCERT HALL
JOOLES is standing dressed in all black leather with lots of
brushed nickel hardware hanging from her. Jooles is holding
a bottle of water. BONNIE, dressed in a business suit, is
holding a leather portfolio and a bottle of beer. PIPER is
sitting on a chair. And DAWN is sitting on a chair. Piper
and Dawn have semi-biker outfits on mixed with a sprinkling
of high school prom accessories.
BONNIE
OK. So you guys were just sued by
Harley Davidson. They claim your
use of the name “The Harleys”
violates their trademark and
copyright and whole bunch of other
stuff.
JOOLES
So handle it.
BONNIE
What do you mean “handle it?” This
is serious.
JOOLES
No, Bonnie. No, Bonnie. Our music
is serious. Our music. This, this
lawsuit is a mere irritation. You
handle irritations.
DAWN
Yeah. Tell it like it is.
JOOLES
Dawn, did you take something? How
are you going to play bass if you
are fucked up?
DAWN
I’ll just follow Piper’s lead.
What are we doing tonight, like
four-four time for everything.
Yeah, like that’s difficult.
PIPER
Not everything. We’re playing Give
Me A Rolex which is three-four
time.
DAWN
We’re playing that?
JOOLES
No. We are not playing that.
PIPER
What the fuck. You promised.
JOOLES
It needs work, like the words,
Piper. They are ridiculous.
PIPER
Bonnie. Bonnie, tell Miss Boss
Rock Band Girl that its in my
contract. It’s in my contract. I
get to do at least one of my songs
per concert.
BONNIE
It’s in the contract.
JOOLES
Give Me A Rolex is not a song.
It’s noise.
DAWN
Give me a Rolex, oh give me a Rolex
and then we will have sex and then
we will have sex.
BONNIE
Dawn’s voice is not bad, you know.
DAWN
Thanks Bonnie.
PIPER
Those are great lyrics.
BONNIE
Yeah, when Dawn sings them.
JOOLES
When Dawn sings them? When Dawn
sings them? Is this like some new
thinking, Bonnie? Some managerial
change you are trying to
orchestrate?
BONNIE
I’m just saying Dawn has a pleasing
voice.
JOOLES
She’s fucked up. She’s fucked up
on something. What did you take
asshole?
DAWN
Hey. That’s not nice.
BONNIE
Dawn has way more talent than you
give her credit for.
DAWN
Yeah, Bonnie baby.
PIPER
I’ll sing them. Shit, they are my
words.
JOOLES
What? With that mousey voice. You
can’t sing and you know it. I’m
partners with a Mickey Mouse
drummer and a fucked up bassist.
DAWN
I am not fucked up. Am I fucked
up, Bonnie?
BONNIE
Not totally. Unless of course you
finished the whole bag.
JOOLES
Oh, fuck. Whole bag? You going to
fall asleep standing up playing the
bass tonight, Dawn?
BONNIE
Did you finish the whole bag, Dawn?
DAWN
No. Well, maybe a little.
BONNIE
That was for after, Dawn.
PIPER
That was for after? Bonnie, you
are supposed to be the mature one.
The one keeping us healthy and into
the music.
BONNIE
Let Dawn sing your song. If
nothing else, it will help keep her
awake.
JOOLES
In her state Piper’s words will
come out slurred like sewage.
DAWN
Those words will sound better
slurred.
PIPER
Fuck you, Dawn.
DAWN
Hey man, I’m on your side. Jooles,
it’s in the contract. You know you
got to do one of my songs too.
JOOLES
You’ve never written a song.
DAWN
Yeah, well, when I do.
BONNIE
We wrote a song together, Dawn,
remember. You have to remember.
DAWN
Of course. Yeah, of course. Like
what was it again?
BONNIE
In fact, we wrote three songs.
Last month in Cleveland.
PIPER
You guys wrote three songs?
JOOLES
You can’t be writing songs without
my knowledge.
BONNIE
You know I am getting tired of
being treated like shit, Jooles. I
am the manager. Can we not forget
this crucial fact.
JOOLES
And what do you manage, Bonnie,
except for Dawn’s drug therapy,
keeping her stoned like she is your
little plaything.
BONNIE
She’s not my plaything.
DAWN
Yeah. I am not a plaything.
PIPER
This is not fun anymore. We all
came together for the music. The
music. Can you guys remember that?
JOOLES
This stupid silly band is merely an
excuse for launching my career. We
came together for that Piper.
PIPER
You are such an asshole, Jooles.
BONNIE
Yeah, Jooles, try going out there
all by yourself. Go on. Try it.
See if you can make music with Dawn
and Piper.
JOOLES
I will. I am going to go out
without you jerks. All by myself.
BONNIE
Yeah, but did you see the signs?
The signs that the fans are
holding. “We love you Dawn.” “We love
drum stick Piper.” I did not see
one sign saying they love you,
Jooles. Not one. Try to handle
the crowd without them. Go on,
try. The fans love Dawn and Piper.
They love them.
JOOLES
I’m the lead singer. I play lead
guitar. I am the voice and face of
this group. You are not suggesting
I stop being the face of the group?
PIPER
My face is like totally superior to
yours. Your face is so normal.
JOOLES
Normal? This? This face is
normal?
PIPER
Why was Dawn’s face on the cover of
Spin Magazine and not yours, huh?
Because Dawn’s face is not normal.
DAWN
My face is not normal?
PIPER
I should have been on that cover,
you know.
DAWN
You weren’t at the shoot.
PIPER
Yeah, but if I was.
JOOLES
I wasn’t at the shoot either. So
the cover thing means nothing.
BONNIE
The cover thing meant a lot. I got
a call for Dawn to be interviewed
on VH1.
JOOLES
What? Dawn the drug addict?
BONNIE
They think she’s quirky.
DAWN
Yeah, they think I’m quirky. So
there.
JOOLES
This is like really bad, Bonnie. I
am the lead. I am the lead. I
should be interviewed.
PIPER
What about me? Did they ask for
me?
BONNIE
No. They didn’t mention you.
PIPER
But I’m the skinny drummer. Skinny as
a drumstick. It was your
marketing thing, remember. What
happened to that?
BONNIE
Anorexia is out, Piper.
JOOLES
This is not about marketing. This
is about who is the leader, the
voice, the brains behind this band.
PIPER
Brains. You think you’re the
brains? I taught you timing. I
taught you scales. I taught you
music theory. I made you, Jooles.
JOOLES
Nobody will believe the
drummer knows anything about music
theory.
PIPER
I have a degree. From a college.
DAWN
Yeah, but I’m getting the magazine
covers and the VH1 interviews.
It’s me…it’s me…actually, it’s me
who don’t feel so good.
At this point, Dawn falls over and is out. Piper rushes to
her.
Dawn
Dawn? Dawn. Snap out of it.
Dawn moans.
PIPER
Someone get her some water. Shit.
What are we going to do?
Jooles grabs Bonnie and pulls her close. They speak in a loud whisper.
JOOLES
What the fuck is going on? You
are losing control of Dawn. And without
Dawn we are fucked.
BONNIE
She faints. Now and then. I’ll give her
a few poppers. She’ll snap out of it.
JOOLES
I hate this.
BONNIE
Don’t worry about it, Jooles.
Dawn has no clue she is the
musical heart of the group.
She has no idea she really wrote all
those number one hits.
JOOLES
And so what are you doing telling her about the songs
you two wrote. You trying to job her memory?
BONNIE
Look, Dawn has some
psychiatric illness. But for Piper,
it’s not a worry.
JOOLES
Piper is catching on you know.
She’s becoming a problem.
PIPER
I actually can’t do the drums
without Dawn. You know, I follow
her lead. Dawn sets the rhythm.
Dawn sets the rhythm. I can’t do
this without her.
Jooles tosses water from her water bottle onto Dawn.
PIPER
Hey.
Dawn opens her eyes.
DAWN
Whoa. Wow. Jeez. Is everyone OK?
Piper helps her up.
JOOLES
Get her feeling better. We have to
go on. We all have to go on.
PIPER
Dawn, don’t do that again.
DAWN
Do what?
PIPER
That fainting thing.
DAWN
Is that what I did?
JOOLES
I’ll sing it.
PIPER
What?
JOOLES
I’ll sing your song. The Rolex
song. I’ll sing it.
PIPER
Yeah. Well. Great. Thanks. OK.
So the words are not great.
But you can do something with them.
You know, Jooles. You turn them
into gold.
JOOLES
Yeah. Sure.
DAWN
Hey, I feel better.
BONNIE
She’ll be able to play.
Bonnie goes to Dawn who seems a bit wobbly.
JOOLES
By the way, Bonnie, tell Harley Davidson to go fuck
themselves. We are
the Harleys.
PIPER
I don’t care about names. For me,
it’s about the music.
DAWN
Yeah, Piper Diaper, it’s about the
music.
PIPER
Stop calling me that. It’s not
funny.
DAWN
Sorry. It just makes me laugh.
JOOLES
Piper’s right. It’s not funny.
PIPER
Thanks, Jooles.
Piper walks out with her drum sticks.
JOOLES
You get Dawn all ready. OK,
Bonnie.
BONNIE
Yeah. Sure.
Jooles walks out with her guitar in hand.
BONNIE
You OK?
DAWN
Yeah.
BONNIE
Can you play?
DAWN
Yeah. Can I have another hit?
BONNIE
I’ll give you some pops to get
you through the concert.
DAWN
Yeah. Uppers.
BONNIE
Let’s go.
DAWN
The Harleys, Bonnie.
BONNIE
Yeah, Dawn. The Harleys.
Bonnie walks her out, propping her up. The CAMERA pans down
to show Dawn’s bass guitar sitting on the floor. Suddenly a
hand comes in and grabs it. It is Dawn. She plucks a
string.
DAWN
(to herself)
It’s out of tune. Oh, yeah.
I know that. I know that. I’m OK.
I’m OK.
Dawn rises and runs out of the room.
THE END.