Hit The Head by Gary O. Bennett
EXT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 1
It is late at the 24-hour diner. Few cars are parked in the
lot. The traffic light changes, but there is no traffic.
2 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 2
EMILY RIDDLE sits in a booth opposite NICK RAY. Nick has
pencil in hand and he is examining a page at the back of a TV
Guide he holds in his hand. Emily keeps looking at her
watch.
Behind the counter sits HENRY GRUSHENKA. He is wearing a
white apron. Henry is reading a Bone comic book. CELESTE
KINDLE, the only other patron in the diner, sits at the end
in the corner. She is reading a book.
INGRID GRUSHENKA walks in from the kitchen wearing a coat, a
bag over her shoulder. She slaps Henry.
INGRID GRUSHENKA
(to Henry)
What are you doing?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
I was just…
INGRID GRUSHENKA
You are supposed to be watching the
place. You know who is above the
mantel? You know he is still boss.
HE still runs this place and he’s
going to beat the shit out of you
if he only knew.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes.
INGRID GRUSHENKA
If your father didn’t drink himself
to death and end up in a canister,
he would be screaming his liver
out.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Sorry.
INGRID GRUSHENKA
Don’t give me that sorry shit. I’m
going to bring Daddy here, ashes
and all, and sit him on the counter
to watch over you. Maybe you show
him a little respect then.
And maybe you don’t eat all our
food. You serve it, you don’t eat
it.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes ma’am.
INGRID GRUSHENKA
I will be back in the morning, and
this place better be in tip top
shape. No problems. Daddy and I
don’t want any problems.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes.
Ingrid slap him again.
INGRID GRUSHENKA
Now put the book away and start
paying attention. There’s people
here. And remember, I don’t want
to find a mess here in the morning.
You know how Poppa hates a mess.
As this little drama is going on, Emily and Celeste each take
it in. Nick is lost in his TV Guide. Ingrid storms out of
the diner. The door slams shuts.
3 EXT. CAR NIGHT 3
JERRY RIDDLE is driving his car. HE is going up the ramp of
the George Washington Bridge from the West Side Highway in
Manhattan. He takes the sign leading to New Jersey.
4 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 4
Emily is uncomfortable. Henry is back into his Bone comic.
Celeste is reading again, and Nick remains locked on his TV
Guide. Emily sees an ash tray on the table. She pulls it
toward her, and pulls a pack of American Spirit cigarettes
out of her handbag. She sticks a cigarette in her mouth, and
then notices the “No Smoking” sign.
EMILY RIDDLE
(to Henry)
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Henry puts his book down, grabs a pad and pencil and rushes
over to Emily and Nick’s booth.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes.
EMILY RIDDLE
Can I smoke in this establishment?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
No ma’am. See we have placed a
sign to advise our patrons of the
no smoking rule.
EMILY RIDDLE
Then why the fuck do you have ash
trays on the tables? Are they here
to confuse your patrons? Are you
trying to torture us?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
No Ma’am. They are for gum.
EMILY RIDDLE
Gum?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes. So when you start to eat and
you wish to spit out your gum, then
there is a place to put it. My
Daddy always said keep ash trays on
the table ’cause he don’t want gum
under the table. You want a refill
on your coffee?
5 EXT. CAR NIGHT 5
We are on the George Washington Bridge, the spires are lit
brightly by the hot white lights back dropped by the ink
black sky.
6 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 6
Henry is pouring coffee into Emily’s cup. She sucks on her
unlit cigarette. Henry goes back to his Bone comic book.
EMILY RIDDLE
I had a dream. I was lying next to
Jerry. He was snoring away as
usual. It’s the middle of the
night. And then I heard something.
I opened my eyes, but I didn’t
move. You then walked into the
bedroom. You were carrying a
baseball bat and wearing a New York
Jets cap. Jerry was on the side of
the bed facing the bedroom door.
NICK RAY
Thirty-eight across. Four letters.
Blank the clock.
EMILY RIDDLE
So you walk up to Jerry and you
raise the bat.
NICK RAY
Emily. Four letters. Blank the
clock.
EMILY RIDDLE
Beat. B-E-A-T. What are you, an
idiot?
NICK RAY
Yeah. Yeah. That works.
EMILY RIDDLE
So you raise the bat and, well, you
beat Jerry over the head with the
bat. You hit him on the head maybe
a dozen times. His skull getting
flatter and flatter, brains and
blood are squishing out of head.
NICK RAY
Forty four down. Four letters.
Andrew Dice blank.
EMILY RIDDLE
Are you listening to my dream?
NICK RAY
Andrew Dice…Andrew Dice…
EMILY RIDDLE
Clay. Clay.
NICK RAY
Andrew Dice Clay. I love that guy.
7 EXT. CAR NIGHT 7
We see the exit sign for the Palisades Parkway. Jerry takes
the exit and heads onto the Parkway going north.
8 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 8
EMILY RIDDLE
So you are hitting Jerry’s head
until it becomes a pancake. A bone
pancake.
NICK RAY
Yes. Forty six across. Four
letters. The blank Collector.
Bone. You see that movie?
EMILY RIDDLE
Then you know what happens?
NICK RAY
With what?
EMILY RIDDLE
In my dream?
NICK RAY
What?
EMILY RIDDLE
You wake up.
NICK RAY
I’m lost.
EMILY RIDDLE
I was dreaming of you dreaming.
You were dreaming of killing Jerry
and then you woke up. Do you like
get what I am saying. It was you
who killed Jerry, not me.
9 EXT. CAR NIGHT 9
Jerry drives past the gas station on the right on Palisades
Parkway and arrives at Exit One, which says “Englewood.” HE
takes the exit.
10 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 10
NICK RAY
You want me to kill Jerry.
EMILY RIDDLE
I want it to be over. So when he
gets here, you will tell him.
NICK RAY
Yeah, right. Like I’m going to
tell my best friend from high
school that I’m schtuping his wife.
Thirty-three down, six…
EMILY RIDDLE
Nick, my little puppy asshole, we
have made love just once. Just
once. And it was nothing to write
home to mother about.
NICK RAY
I fit into this equation. I am the
reason. And anyway, you wouldn’t
write home to your mother if you
were fucking Tom Cruise.
EMILY RIDDLE
You got that right.
11 EXT. CAR NIGHT 11
Jerry winds around the Exit One ramp, following the road down
to the light at Route 9W. He stops at the light and stares
at the Royal Cliffs diner, which sits at the far right
corner. The light turns green, Nick drives into the parking
lot of the diner.
12 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 12
EMILY RIDDLE
It is just like him to be late for
his own funeral.
Emily pulls out her cell phone and dials.
13 EXT. CAR NIGHT 13
The cell phone rings on the seat next to Jerry. The cell
phone sits next to a handgun. Jerry looks at the phone and
let’s it ring.
14 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 14
Emily shuts the phone.
EMILY RIDDLE
You make love to me yesterday and
today you are in love with your
fucking sophomoric TV Guide
crossword puzzle.
NICK RAY
Dreaming of me dreaming of murder
does not mean I am going to commit
murder. Both were dreams, Emily.
The task at hand is to end your
relationship. I am here to help
Jerry through the emotional trauma.
I am here for Jerry’s support, but
you must have the strength to end
it. No more dreams. I’m hitting
the head.
Nick gets up and goes to the bathroom. Emily takes a drag on
her unlit cigarette.
15 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 15
Nick comes into the bathroom and pulls out his cell phone.
He makes a call.
16 EXT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 16
Jerry looks at the cell phone…Nick’s name flashes on the
caller ID. Jerry picks up the phone and answers it.
JERRY RIDDLE
Yeah.
17 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 17
NICK RAY
You’re late.
18 EXT. CAR NIGHT 18
JERRY RIDDLE
Yeah.
19 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 19
NICK RAY
Don’t yeah me. I cannot stand
sitting in this diner for a another
second with that bitch.
20 EXT. CAR NIGHT 20
JERRY RIDDLE
I don’t appreciate you referring to
my wife as a bitch. I am in the
parking lot.
21 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 21
NICK RAY
So what’s the next move?
22 EXT. CAR NIGHT 22
JERRY RIDDLE
Stick to the plan.
23 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 23
Emily remains alone at the table.
EMILY RIDDLE
Waiter.
Henry pops up and runs over to Emily’s table.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes.
EMILY RIDDLE
Beer. Domestic.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Ma’am, we don’t serve liquor.
Emily reaches into her purse and pulls out one of those small
airline bottles of rum.
EMILY RIDDLE
Get me a coke.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes, Ma’am.
Henry rushes off. Jerry walks in. HE sits down next to
Emily and places his arm around her.
JERRY RIDDLE
Hello babe.
Jerry kisses Emily on the lips, an embrace which id oddly
returned by Emily.
EMILY RIDDLE
I was so worried.
JERRY RIDDLE
Traffic. God, you are so
beautiful.
EMILY RIDDLE
I know.
This makes Jerry smile.
JERRY RIDDLE
What’s to eat?
EMILY RIDDLE
Hospital food.
JERRY RIDDLE
I’m starved.
Jerry picks up the menu. He then notices the TV Guide.
JERRY RIDDLE
What’s this?
24 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 24
Nick is leaning against the wall of the bathroom. He is
catatonic, showing no emotion. He turns and looks into the
mirror.
NICK RAY
(to himself)
Speak to me Captain Kirk. Tell me
what you would do in these
circumstances. I must seek out new
life and go where no man has gone
before. Seek out new life…and
destroy it.
25 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 25
JERRY RIDDLE
You do not read the TV Guide. And
the TV Guide is facing the other
side of the table. We take these
two premises and we draw an
inference. Someone was sitting
opposite you. Who?
EMILY RIDDLE
When have you ever sat on my side
of the table when we eat alone?
This is a clue that you knew before
you ever arrived here that someone
was sitting opposite me.
26 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 26
Nick stares into the mirror. He massages his face with his
hands, distorting it, watching himself. HE spits at the
mirror.
27 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 27
Nicks walks into the diner and sits opposite Emily and Jerry.
JERRY RIDDLE
Well, well, well. This is a
surprise.
NICK RAY
Hey Jer.
JERRY RIDDLE
You guys set this little meeting up
for me. Is it my birthday? I
don’t think so. Is it my wedding
anniversary? I don’t think so. Is
this a mini-high school reunion?
All three of us, together again
like we are back at Dwight Morrow.
And still with the TV Guide, hey
Nickie baby. Still doing those
crossword puzzles. Nick 13-down
Ray. Who owned Mr. Ed, the horse?
NICK RAY
Wilbur and Carol Post.
JERRY RIDDLE
Who were the neighbors?
NICK RAY
Roger and Kay Addison.
JERRY RIDDLE
That’s my boy, Nick. Nick’s a
brain for the idiot box, ain’t he
Emily.
Jerry is speaking loudly. Ad as he speaks, this seems to
irritate Celeste, who is reading a book. Celeste gets up and
goes to the counter.
CELESTE KINDLE
(to Henry)
Excuse me, what’s your name?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Henry Grushenka.
CELESTE KINDLE
Grushenka? That’s…
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Russian.
CELESTE KINDLE
I like Russians. Well, Henry, can
you make me a bowl of french fries?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Sure.
CELESTE KINDLE
And can you please ask those people
to lower their voices. They are
making it difficult to read and
enjoy your lovely establishment.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes.
CELESTE KINDLE
Thanks.
Celeste walks past the booth where Emily, Jerry and Nick sit
and she heads for the bathrooms.
JERRY RIDDLE
Usually I’m home in beddy bye with
my wifey here mid-week, but she
calls me and tells me to meet her
at the Royal piece of shit Cliffs
diner for a night-cap. And I
wonder what the hell is going on.
So you two love birds want to tell
me why I’m not fucking my wife’s
lights out in the comfort of my
boudoir?
NICK RAY
Emily, I think it is best that you
start.
EMILY RIDDLE
No I don’t think any such thing.
Jerry, Nick is here because he is
your best friend and he thought it
might be best for you to hear it
from him.
JERRY RIDDLE
Hear what?
EMILY RIDDLE
Well, I have learned something
recently about myself that is,
well, it all came as a shock,
really. But when I think about it
all, everything makes sense.
NICK RAY
Emily came to me to ask what should
she do. So I suggested that she,
well, that she just come right out
and say it.
JERRY RIDDLE
What, you two having an affair?
This places a pall of silence over the table, Nick and Emily
get very uncomfortable.
JERRY RIDDLE
I’m just kidding, guys. Jeez, you
don’t think that I would think my
best friend is fucking my wife?
NICK RAY
Yes, well, I’m glad you know me
better than that.
JERRY RIDDLE
Of course I do, Nick baby. So what
is this thingie thing thing that
you have to tell me, Emily?
EMILY RIDDLE
Well, I…I am…I have learned
that I am…
JERRY RIDDLE
Ah, shit. Can you hold that
thought, because I cannot hold this
dump any longer.
I’m hittin’ the head and squeezing
a load of toothpaste. Thereafter,
I’m coming back to refuel. Get me
a menu.
Jerry gets up and goes to the bathroom. Emily takes out
another small bottle of rum and pours it into her coke.
NICK RAY
You can’t say it, can you?
EMILY RIDDLE
You have no idea what I was going
to say.
28 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 28
Jerry walks into the bathroom. He goes to the urinal and
takes a wiz. He finishes, zips up, and turns. The door to
one of the stalls opens. Celeste leans against the stall
door. THey both smile at each other.
29 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 29
NICK RAY
You have to tell him. You have to
tell him it’s over.
EMILY RIDDLE
I’ve changed my mind.
NICK RAY
You what? You’ve changed your
mind? No. No. You can’t. Too
much planning has gone into this.
Henry places the check on the table.
EMILY RIDDLE
Excuse me, but did I ask for this?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
I thought…
EMILY RIDDLE
No…no…I don’t think so. I
don’t think you thought or think
anything. My husband is here and
he is hungry.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Sorry, Ma’am.
EMILY RIDDLE
My husband is hungry and he will
want to eat. Bring me a menu and
stop calling me ma’am.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes ma’am.
Henry picks up the check and returns to the counter.
30 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 30
Celeste remains at the stall door, leaning against it, her
long legs crossed casually. Jerry examines her.
JERRY RIDDLE
You know…you know I like fucking
my wife.
CELESTE KINDLE
I would imagine…you’d like
fucking any relatively attractive
woman.
JERRY RIDDLE
Wrong.
CELESTE KINDLE
Oh yeah.
JERRY RIDDLE
Yeah. They have to be alive. I
would not fuck a dead woman no
matter how attractive she was.
CELESTE KINDLE
That’s comforting to know.
JERRY RIDDLE
But I don’t want to fuck my wife
anymore.
CELESTE KINDLE
Why?
JERRY RIDDLE
Because of you.
CELESTE KINDLE
Is everything…set?
Jerry smiles.
31 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 31
EMILY RIDDLE
Do you know that Jerry and I make
love almost every night.
NICK RAY
Every…
EMILY RIDDLE
That’s right. HE loves making love
to me.
NICK RAY
Then why…
EMILY RIDDLE
Because I hate it.
Henry places a menu on the table.
NICK RAY
So you don’t climax.
EMILY RIDDLE
I didn’t say that.
NICK RAY
I don’t get this. Why do you want
to leave him?
EMILY RIDDLE
Because Jerry is sick. I can see
it in his dead eyes. He looks at
me, pumping away, and I feel like a
shark is about to devour me. It
makes me come…but it also scares
the shit out of me. Jerry is not
human. And I have something to
admit to you.
32 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 32
Jerry has his cell phone out. He dials a number.
33 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 33
NICK RAY
You’re…you’re gay. A lesbian?
EMILY RIDDLE
Yes.
NICK RAY
But, you just said you…
Nick’s cell phone rings. He answers it.
NICK RAY
Yes.
34 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 34
JERRY RIDDLE
(into the phone)
Say ‘hi Mom.’
35 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 35
NICK RAY
Hi Mom.
36 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 36
JERRY RIDDLE
Now tell Momma if everything is
set.
37 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 37
NICK RAY
Everything is a little different
than we thought, Mom.
38 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 38
JERRY RIDDLE
Stick with the plan, Nick. Stick
with the plan.
39 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 39
NICK RAY
No. Mom, please. Listen to me.
It doesn’t matter anymore. We
should get together and talk.
40 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 40
JERRY RIDDLE
Stick with the plan you idiot and
we will talk. Say good by to
momma.
Jerry flips his phone off.
41 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 41
NICK RAY
Yes, Mom…OK…I love you too.
Nick closes his phone.
EMILY RIDDLE
Is Mommy OK?
NICK RAY
No…yes…yes she’s fine. You
know how older people get.
EMILY RIDDLE
Needy.
NICK RAY
I wonder where Jerry is.
EMILY RIDDLE
He’s taking a dump. Which takes
about the same amount of time as
one inning of baseball.
NICK RAY
I’m going to check on him.
EMILY RIDDLE
Don’t do anything stupid.
Nick gets up.
42 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 42
Nick comes into the bathroom. Jerry is alone.
NICK RAY
Oh, man, you are not going to
believe this. Emily…now, you
can’t get all worked about
this…this is good news, actually.
IT let’s you off the hook. There’s
no other man. She is not
interested in any other man, Jerry.
JERRY RIDDLE
You did a test. She fucked you.
NICK RAY
She’s trying to find herself. BUT
she now knows that she’s…she now
knows that she’s…ah, shit, I
can’t even say it.
JERRY RIDDLE
Say it, man. Say it.
Nick can’t move, his back is to the stall. Jerry gets angry
and moves toward Nick and grabs him.
JERRY RIDDLE
Say it. Say what she knows. Say
it.
NICK RAY
She’s…she’s…
JERRY RIDDLE
A tomboy…a dyke…a lesbo…a
butch bitch…
NICK RAY
Yes. Yes.
JERRY RIDDLE
Don’t you think I know that. Don’t
you think I suffer with that fact
every fucking day. My wife, the
woman I have been married to for
eleven years, is a goddamn lesbian.
WE make love every day…every
nigh…sometimes every
morning…and she’s faking it…for
eleven years faking it and fuckin’
me in the process. Making fun of
me, thinking of some other
bitch…hell, Nick, I wouldn’t
care4 if she was thinking of Tom
Cruise or Brad Pitt…but no, she’s
thinking of Julia Roberts or…or
Barbara Streisand..who the fuck
knows…do you know what this does
to a man’s self-esteem.
NICK RAY
Calm down, man.
JERRY RIDDLE
I like you Nick, but you are such a
stupid fuck.
NICK RAY
You can’t play with these lesbians.
You saw the movie Bound. Jennifer
Tilly and Gina Gershon wiped out a
whole football team of men.
JERRY RIDDLE
Life is not like art.
Jerry pushes Nick back into the stall door. The stall door
opens. Celeste is holding the barrel of the gun and comes
down hard with the butt on Nick’s head.
43 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 43
Henry is making the french fries. Emily sits, appears
agitated, looks at her watch. Her cell phone rings. She
answers it.
EMILY RIDDLE
(into the phone)
Hello, Jerry….what…what’s
wrong?…come Into the men’s
room…but…
She flips the phone closed and pops up and rushes toward the
bathroom. Henry is working on the fries. He pours a pile of
them onto a plate. Suddenly we hear a woman’s scream.
Henry, holding the plate of french fries, runs toward the
bathrooms.
44 INT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER BATHROOM NIGHT 44
Henry comes into the bathroom. There is blood all over.
Nick’s head is bashed in, blood flowing, fanning out into a
pool. Under the urinal lies Jerry, his head bashed in as
well. Blood is squirting from his skull. Celeste is washing
the butt of the gun. Emily is crying.
EMILY RIDDLE
What happened? I don’t understand
what happened?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
What happened?
CELESTE KINDLE
Henry…Henry, this is a mess.
Your mother is not going to be
happy when she sees this.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
But, what…
CELESTE KINDLE
These two guys killed each other.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
But the gun?
CELESTE KINDLE
Oh, this. Did you hear a gun go
off?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
No.
CELESTE KINDLE
Neither did I. It’s really not
relevant to the problem…which is
that we have a mess.
Celeste puts the gun in her pocket and takes the bowl of
french fries from Henry and starts to eat them.
CELESTE KINDLE
Do you have a meat cleaver, Henry?
HENRY GRUSHENKA
A meat cleaver?
CELESTE KINDLE
Yes, you know, one of those big
knives that can cut through meat
and bone.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
Yes.
CELESTE KINDLE
Get some big garbage bags and the
meat cleaver…can you do that for
me, Henry.
HENRY GRUSHENKA
This is such a mess.
CELESTE KINDLE
Yes. Yes. Isn’t it. Bring a
bucket of water and two mops too.
Henry leaves.
FADE TO BLACK.
45 EXT. ROYAL CLIFFS DINER NIGHT 45
Henry throws two large garbage bags into the dumpster. The
CAMERA DOLLIES BACK and reveals Celeste at the wheel of her
car, Emily in the passenger seat. Emily watches Henry, then
turns.
EMILY RIDDLE
You didn’t tell me anything about
mops. I don’t mop, Celeste, you
should know that right up front.
CELESTE KINDLE
Lesbians don’t mop.
EMILY RIDDLE
I’m not a lesbian.
CELESTE KINDLE
Yeah…right…just liberated.
They both smile. Celeste starts the car, and they roar out
of the parking lot.
THE END.
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